Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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