I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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