are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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