i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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