Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
