those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
