I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
