did you get engaged???
Acid is not a monday night drug
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
