I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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