I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
