he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
