you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
