I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
