A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
where does the pee come out of this thing
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
