apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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