Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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