you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
