i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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