my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
