she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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