I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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