I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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