I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
