Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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