I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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