New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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