help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
