So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
