You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
