we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
