I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
