so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
