He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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