Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is Oprah even human
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
