it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize