the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
