My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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