your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
