Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
