Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
