pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
