my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
