what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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