My boss' voice literally gives me gas
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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