We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
