Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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