Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
