we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
