You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
