I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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