Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
