You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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