What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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