I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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