proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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