i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
