Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Boobs are out for the taking
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
