Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
