After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Randomize
