get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
