You really coming over, don't trick.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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