My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
