Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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