dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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