Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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