He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
