once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
